I'll tell you a secret about me:
With rare exception, when I disappear you know something is going on.
I didn't realize it had been 4 days since I wrote, I apologize for that; I am still floating like a leaf on the river of life, but the waves have gotten choppy!
I wrote before about my uncharacteristic emotional ups and downs, and that is still continuing; what I realized is that I have to give myself permission to have ups and downs.
Quite often, when things bother me it actually bothers me that it bothers me; like I get mad at myself for getting mad, if that makes sense, lol.
The issue is, I start to believe I am somehow 'beyond' certain things, and I have to make sure I check that ego quickly. Since the reality is I don't get emotional as often, or stay there as long as most, and I definitely don't let my feelings dictate my life (they are a navigation system, not a decision making system).
But, the fact is your feelings, ANY feeling, carries some useful information. Trying to ignore or bury them doesn't work over the long haul, and you'll end up making yourself sick in the process. Listen to what your mind and body are trying to tell you; look for the message in the center of that swirling chaos.
Remember, everything, EVERYTHING your mind and body do are actually trying to help you in some way, if you look at it like an incoming message, rather than this 'thing' that exists in a vacuum, that can help a lot.
So you're scared, or stressed...of what? Feel guilty? What could you have done differently, and how can you make amends?
Go with your gut, it will rarely lead you astray. And I mean the deep, deep, DEEP knowing; not your fears and anxieties that gnaw away at you.
And remember:
Never give up, never give up, never ever ever give up.
B. Dave Walters
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