Kind words from a close friend (Ladies must read!)

(This is something a friend of mine posted on a forum we both participate in...if she changed and overcame her obstacles, you can, too!)

Hey Girls!

This is such a great thread! I've loved reading about all of you, and feel so fortunate to be in a guild with so many amazing women!

I was actually hesitant on posting anything (me hesitant to say something... weird right?) because as many of you know I'm a pretty open and flirty person, but when it comes to talking about my personal life I'm actually quite the opposite. But I feel like all of you have shared a part of your lives with us, and I would feel honored to share a piece of mine. :) This is a bit of a story, so get comfy!

My life currently isn't too terribly exciting... I'm sort of in "me" mode, doing things to take care of myself and make myself happy. I just turned 30 in May and recently got out of a 5 year long abusive relationship. He wasn't ever physical, but sometimes words and actions can be just as painful. After about a year together I thought he was going to be the person I'd spend my entire life with, and then suddenly I got really sick. I'm still going to doctors to this day to try to figure out what exactly is wrong with me, because they don't really know. I have asthma like symptoms (wheezing, coughing, lung pain, difficulty breathing, etc.) but after testing they discovered I don't have asthma. It makes it very difficult and painful for me to be very active, since the symptoms usually present themselves with strenuous activity.

When I became sick, my boyfriend (who I was living with, we had bought a house together) started to turn into a different person. Instead of being supportive and helpful, he saw this sickness as a sign of weakness in me, and began treating me differently. He stopped being caring and supportive, and instead would put me down and say things to make me feel bad about myself. He also shortly after began cheating on me with an ex girlfriend which I always suspected, but never actually confirmed until shortly before I left him. I would find things like receipts to hotels, inappropriate text messages and phone calls, and him not coming home because he was "working late". He would always have an excuse and for whatever reason I tried to believe it, but deep inside I had a feeling that he was lying. All of this worry and tension made me even more sick and distrusting, which in turn made our relationship even more unhealthy.

Things progressively became worse and worse until I finally started to believe I had become the person he was telling me I was... worthless, unmotivated, unattractive and that nobody else would ever want me. I started to shut myself off from all my friends and family, embarrassed of the person I had become. I let this go on for several years, thinking that I was trapped and had no way of taking care of myself on my own. Everything declined in my life and I hit a very low spot, becoming very depressed and thinking about suicide frequently.

I started playing World of Warcraft which became an escape from my life. I created a character (G___, who I still play today) that was the version of me who I loved and once was. With the people I met online I could be myself and they loved me for me. This of course wasn't very healthy either... because I was just ignoring the issues in my life. Then one day I met a friend in my guild at the time (The Royal Order), a character named _____. Some of you may know him in this guild as Dave. :) What you may not know about him, is that he saved my life.

Dave is a life coach and he took an interest in me, and I eventually opened up to him. We became very close friends and he helped me gain the courage to leave this horrible situation, and get out on my own. Being on my own for the first time in so many years was very difficult, but with his support and encouragement I was finally able to have the breakthroughs I needed to begin loving myself again. It was not easy and quite bleak at times, but it's amazing what you can do when you really put your mind to it, and when you have someone in your life to help and support you. Being able to accept that you need help is the probably the hardest part. Once you do, and once you really start to believe in yourself, you can do anything.

So I guess that is where I am today. I'm taking a day at a time, learning to love myself again and trying to do things that I enjoy, and surround myself with people who care about me. I'm still fairly closed off in my personal life, but I'm trying to get back in touch with friends and get out and enjoy life more. I had to leave my last job for several different reasons, but is where I met my ex and he still worked there, so I knew I couldn't stay. I'm in web design, development and support, working specifically with Microsoft SharePoint. I have a new job now doing the same kind of work with a small Australian company that I love. Aussies are great people, very true, open and honest, and have helped me open up more as well.

I know this story is pretty long and personal, but being able to tell it is also a part of my road to recovery. Sharing this with you I hope will inspire and encourage you to always do what's best for you, and never let anyone put you down and tell you can't do anything. I never understood what it meant to be in an abusive relationship, and how women could stay there for so long and put up with it. You don't ever really know unless you're in the situation, and I unfortunately learned that lesson the hard way. Now I only hope that I can start to share my message with other women and encourage them to leave abusive relationships, and become the beautiful, strong woman that they are.

Lastly I would also like to mention that I too am an animal lover... hehe :) I have an orange tabby named Murphy and he's my best buddy, and has been through everything with me. He's on my lap now, and that's where he usually is when I'm playing WoW. I joined Defiant last October when I actively started playing WoW again. Olcan (I still think of him as Slaine) invited me since I had played with him back in The Royal Order, and met him around the same time I met Dave. I'm happy to have found a home here in Defiant, and have had the privilege to meet all of you wonderful women.

Please feel free to chat with me anytime in game, I'd love to talk to you all more and get to know you. I've learned from firsthand experience that the friendships you make in life, whether it's someone you meet at church or in a video game, can be very important and very meaningful. I think we're lucky to have a family here in Defiant, as dysfunctional as it may be at times... it really is like a family. :) Take care of yourselves, I love you guys!